i had a dream.
not a mlk dream but a dream.
my mother was there and she told me to keep going.
in life, my mother never said these words.
she was always afraid of what i might do or where i might go.
she was always afraid.
i made her very sad, angry and worried.
i broke every single one of her rules.
every single one and then a few she hadn't thought up yet.
and she loved me through all of it.
and in this dream,
she told me to keep going.
keep going.
keep going.
keep going.
and i will believe in my mom in her death, like i never believed in her life.

LIFE WITH A HAMSTER

it all began when kathy tew insisted on bringing it home
we were in grade 6 and pets in classes were still cool

unless you took the bus
the city bus....
we managed to avoid scrutiny on the first bus
the little rodent napped his way on

but the second bus
the fateful second bus...
REFUSED ENTRY
ENTRY DENIED
little dude (forgive me, i forget his name)
or even if it was a 'he'
i digress...little dude was safely locked in his cage
complete with wheel (still want to try one of those things)
and was a threat to no one
shampoo bottles on a plane are a much greater threat
who knows what could happen with those suds
ah, i digress again...

so we had to take a ride home with a stranger...
a nice stranger, a bank manager...the people in the banks are all nice
dammit i digressed again!

i shit bricks when he dropped kathy tew off first
now it was just me and the hamster and a nice bank manager
...............and he dropped me off at home, safe and sound with the hamster

i thank that nice bank manager man for making me feel safe
and for simply offering a nice gesture to two stranded girls and a hamster
i wish i knew his name
the bank is gone now
in it's place, an arts store

i am blessed with a safe and happy life
blessed
many women have trusted like i have, and have not arrived home safely
many women suffer childhood scars that may never be healed
many women cry even though they smile at their children every day
many women feel broken

many women are the voice of our future
many women, holding hands

i still remember that day like it was yesterday
i remember calling kathy tew to let her know i was home safe
i remember the relief in her voice
i remember that she was my sister
i remember that she was there for me
and that we were in this together

i will also remember all of the missing and murdered indigenous women
in Canada, home of colonizing racist settlers
i will remember residential schools and poverty and abuse
i will remember every single policy that shamed and blamed
and i will remember steven harper's legacy of international crime

and then i will dance with the moon and the wildflowers
in epiphany
as we blast off the facade
firefighter regulation hoses required
and i will be at the front of the team
who holds one
tightly
and oozing with love

dear orrell, 
man who sits under the bridge at richmond and horton
in a decrepit wheelchair
with a beer in your hand
dear orrell,
who i drive by every day and always want to stop
but can't...or don't....
dear orrell,
i am happy to have met you today
i am happy to have shared some of my good fortune with you today
i am glad to have seen the twinkle in your eye
as you told me how you lost your legs at age 12
dear orrell, 
i am happy to have stopped, and listened
and to have really understood the connection among us
i asked you why you chose to sit there every day
and you told me it was because you were looking for company
and that you always met interesting people under the bridge
well dear orrell,
i certainly met an interesting and unforgettable man today
peace on earth

nothing is simple
ignite the warrior goddess
and smile
this too shall pass

alice cooper said lace and whiskey
i say soup and whiskey
one nurtures, one soothes
and it's a bit of an either or in that regard
i'm goin for the soup

oh tuesday morning

how dare you whack me in the head this way
how dare you pressure me with rules and expectations
how dare you infiltrate my imagination
oh tuesday morning
with your bills and order and drive

oh tuesday morning
i send you back whence you came

dear prime minister,
if you don't step down
i will provide you with a stool
perhaps you are too small of a man
and require assistance with the big step
i know it's hard to be a big boy
but everyone has to grow up sometime
there are lots of people to help you
except the ones whose jobs you cut
take a taxi, then maybe you could get some therapy or health care
go back to university...oh sorry you probably can't afford it
i know, wait......join the speech circuit and talk about how you made turtle island a better place
tell them how you made our country an arms dealer for israel
tell them how you spoke about maternal health at the UN to an empty room while at home people are screaming about the countless lost and murdered indigenous women in our country....
tell them how you make secret backroom deals with other countries that threaten our water supply and sovereignty..

step up, mr. harper, cause i can tell you with complete certainty...

karma is a bitch....